It's aPromise.

Back to December

I fell in love once.  I fell in love with a boy a few years back.  I fell in love…and then I let i go.  I let it go for no good reason.  No, none at all.  I let it go because of my immaturity…  because of my fears.  I have tried not to regret it.  But what we had was great.  What we could have had was going to be even greater.  His were the first hands to hold mine.  They should have been the last.  They practically were.  I remember siting in class after the night he asked me out, anxious, wondering if we would hold hands or if he’d just walk to me our next class….  so anxious I don’t even remember what my teach was talking about that day.  All I remember was me walking out the door, and there he was.  My prince in shining armor.  I looked at him and smiled.  A bit nervous at how our classmates would take it…. Then I took a few steps closer to him, he reached out and grabbed my hand.  Our finger intertwined.  In that second, I could feel myself blushing and I could care less how other people took it.  I can feel our classmates looking and whispering.  Shock.  But for me… it was the start of my mistake.  Being with him gave me the opportunity to walk away from him in a way you could not do with friends.  And I was naive enough to do it.  I walked out.  Evey winter I remember how he grabbed my hand.  How he would always wait for me.  How he would steal my textbooks or me and walked me to class.  The one thing I know more than anyone else about him…was his hug.  Forget the hand-holding….  The instant my arms wrapped around him and his around mine…it felt so right, so good.  Staring into his faded blue eyes, I was lost in them.  But he found me.  I would do anything to get it back.  The rights to stare into his eyes, the rights to his masculine hands, the right to feel every muscle when I hugged him.  I miss his scent.  I miss…him.

He shared something with me that I will never forget.  Perhaps one day I could come back to that place, sharing it with him. 

So every winter…I go back to December.